Saturday, September 14, 2013

I has been a very very very long time since I have posted anything on my blog.  So I thought with everything that is going on in my life now would be a good time to start posting again.  I don't have a clue if anybody reads what I am putting here and to be truthful I don't really care.  This is going to be a time for me to just let so to speak.

Lets see where to start, well, a little over three years ago my husband and moved from Pennsylvania back to Florida to live with our two daughters and three grandchildren.  In that situation there have been some great times, some good times and to be honest some bad times.  I do believe that the great and good times far outweigh the bad times.  As a matter of fact I know they do.  Last night for example we went to the high school football game to see one of my grandsons march in the band.  Their band has over 300 students in it and to say they are awesome would truly be an understatement.

But, to some of the bad, My husband got sick a little over a year after we moved back and had to have 4 stints put into his heart to try to unblock his arteries.  He was never the same after this procedure and then this last January 24th he just instantly passed away from a massive heart attack.  We were married for 45 years and it was a couple of weeks after his 66th birthday.  To say I am lost would be another understatement in my life.  We were together from the time we were in high school ourselves and to now not have him feels like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest.  He was always a very outgoing man and I was always the one hiding behind him.  So now there is nowhere to run and definitely no where to hide or more specific no one to hide behind.

I am trying with much difficulty to move forward with my life I started to say move on but I don't believe moving on quite describes life anymore, just moving forward and sometimes actually taking a step backward. But I have in the last two months enrolled in college.  That is right I am 65 years old and have finally decided to go to college and get a degree in accounting.  I can't say it is easy but then again nothing worth doing is always going to be easy.  I am having to learn how to study again and to take the dreaded tests but with the help of my daughters I am plugging away at it.

Next, Randy (my husband) and I were involved for many years working in missions in the nation of Haiti.  I have not been back to Haiti since 2006.  In a little over a week I will be going back to Haiti for a week to stay in Fond Parisien where we last worked.  To say I am nervous about going into Haiti without Randy in front of me would be a BIG understatement.  But I am going to do it even though some moments I tell myself I am so stupid for doing this.

So this is where my life is at this point and if I can keep up with things, (family, work and school) I will try to keep some updates here on my blog.  If anyone reads it then that is all good and if nobody reads it then that too is all good.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Life is Subject to Change

I know it has been a VERY long time since I have updated my blog and I am going to try to change that starting now. 

A lot has happened in my life in the time I have not been active here.  First 3 years ago my husband and I moved back to Florida from Pennsylvania to live with our daughters and 3 grandchildren.  That in itself took some adjustments for all of us.  To be honest I think we are still adjusting to the changes. 

Then on January 24, 2013 my husband of 45 years suddenly just passed away.  I was at work with one of my daughters and the other daughter was home here with her dad.  She came downstairs to fix him some lunch and he had already passed away.  She called us at work and the emergency crew.  There was nothing they were able to do for him.  They said he passed away immediately from a severe heart attack.  He had not been in great health for the prior year but to say we were expecting this would be so totally wrong.  Somehow we made it through the next few days after that and somehow I have been dragging myself through the almost 4 months since this.  My husband and I had been married for 45 years and he had just celebrated his 66th birthday on January 15th.

I have gone through so many emotions since that day.  I have been mad, sad, anything I could feel I have felt.  Lately I have found myself in a minor state of depression.  I would cry at the drop of a hat and sometimes had no idea as to why I was even crying.  But last night I think I turned a corner.  For the first time in almost 4 months I did not go to bed and lay there and cry.  I have decided that tomorrow is my 65th birthday and I am going to have a great birthday and I am going to have a great rest of my life and I don't plan on dying anytime soon.  I want to be around to not only see my grandchildren grow up and get married but I intend on seeing great grandchildren.  So today is the first day of my new not depressed life.  I don't actually know if anybody will read this post but to be honest I don't really care.  If someone does that is great but I didn't write this for anyone else I wrote this for ME!  If you read and want to make a comment go for it.